Right, I know this is only my second posting, but this is one of the main things happening in my life at the moment. I am on the verge on becoming a mistress!! Yes, I know, it sounds seedy and it's immoral, but like the title suggests, I just can't see a way out of it. Before I'm judged (maybe rightly, maybe wrongly) I would just like to try and justify the whole situation. As a single girl some may argue that I'm doing nothing wrong, but I know myself, deep down that I am. I know the guy is in a relationship (very serious one but this will be discussed later) and that in it's self should put me off, and for two years it did. Two years I've never told anyone about the massive soft spot I've got for him, and I've seen him become involved with my mate (yes, he's strayed before...)and heard far more details that I should of. Everytime I knew they were up to something just made me angry, and I convinced this guy that it was the moral highground that I was taking and that I was pissed off with him because of what he was doing was wrong. I'm sure that that was part of the reason that annoyed me, as no doubt I'll be angry with myself in the months to follow, but I know a large part was jealousy. And still I did nor said anything.
I always presumed he saw me as a little sister type, (he's thirty four and I'm nineteen) and that automatically wipes you out of his mind in any sexual nature, and I'm sure for the majority of the three years that I've known him I was only the little sister at work. (yes we work together, and yes he's my boss. Can this get any more textbook?!) But this all seemed to change a few months ago when I found out he knew more about me than I thought...
About eight months ago, I went out with the mate who was involved with the guy, and we got royally pissed. We were absolutely off our faces! And if alcohol does anything it's give you dutch courage. We ended up hooking up witha couple of guys, one thing leads to another and I end up being filmed on someone's camera with my legs somewhere up near my head and being banged by some guy! ( No doubt we'll get into this story at a later date) This will all be relevant in a sec...
We were just talking and next minute he was holding his camera phone to me, which was my cue to hide behind my hands - never one for photos, and when out of the blue he just says...
'What's wrong Bex, thought you liked being filmed?'
And I was just like 'oh my god' as everything clicked. Cue blushing and him laughing, with the guy simply saying 'hey, I'm not one to judge. I think it's quite cool.' And from that span a conversation as to how hethinks I'm a bit rum, and tryin to get details out of me! It wasn't until later that night that it hit me, we had been talking in a very un-sisterly like way.
That conversation seemed to break the boundaries between the pair of us, and we spent more and more time discussing sex. At this point things had finished between him and my friend, so that was a hot talking point for a while, me wanting to know but not wanting to know at the same time. from these conversations I gathered that he was, and still is, very unhappy with his home life, but is reluctant to do anything about it because of the extent to which he loves his kids. (yes he has kids, it just keep sgetting worse i know!) He adores his kids, and I mean truely dotes on them. This is why nothing will ever come of this whole situation, so why am I even considering this? I keep asking myself that very same question.
