That's the question I've been asking myself over the past few days. From the moment I get up to the moment I get up he's all I think about. Whenever anyone said that I always thought they were exaggerating, and couldn't understand how people could think about someone that much, but now I can. And that what scares me.

So what's happened since I last wrote? Well things are feeling quite heavy, despite the fact that we have not yet had sex. We've been very close, don't get me wrong, and if it wasn't for the amount of people around (given that we are in work) I'm sure we would have. Get a very strong feeling though that it's not far around the corner though. When this first seemed like it was about to start I just thought it was going to be a bit of fun, but over the past week I've began to have some serious doubts over whether that's all it is. For starters, can't believe it's only been a week! All the sneaking around that we're doing already makes it feel like it's been a lot longer. He's changed his phone to pre pay so my number can't be traced on his bill, changed my number to 'Tony' in his phone, and we make sure we're not caught talking to one another too much. He's told his wife about how sweet he thinks I am, in a 'awwwww, sweet little sister type of way' to throw her off the scent apparently, and is sure to laugh when people make jokes about me (happens quite a bit, am prone to making a few dizzy comments!). Everytime I see him I want to smile, and I am constantly looking at my watch when he's on his breaks, counting the time until he's back. He makes me laugh, and even if I've been giving him a blowjob just moments before we still manage to take the piss out of each other and feel totally at ease with one another. There's not been any awkwardness, not even the day after he sent me a picture of his hard on.

Now I'm not saying I'm falling head over heels in love with him, but I'm sure I'm not. Have never been totally 'in love' so am hoping that what I'm feeling isn't the start of it all. All I need right now is that! What I do know is that my constant need to be around him, to see him, speak to him, touch him, kiss him and be touched by him is begining to scare me. It's scaring me alot.

Another thing that made me think this is turning into a very bad situation is that was sat next to him today when his wife phoned. That didn't bother me, but what did make my stomach twist was when he finished the conversation by saying, 'Ok babe, see you later. Love you.' I shouldn't be having a feeling in my stomach like I've just been dropped ten feet when he tells his wife he loves her. Isn't that a normal thing for a husband to say to his wife? Course it is. Need to get a grip, and I need to get a grip now. Writing all this all down has just made me realise that this is no longer no strings. What the fuck am I going to do?