That's it, I've fucked it up now!!! even though it was me who called it a day, not one minute goes by when I don't regret doing it. I'd rather he'd be MINE for the few hours a week that he truely he is than not at all. I miss him so so so much. I mean we still speak, and flirt and stuff, but it's not the same. I have to stop myself reaching out to him when he's near to me, and to correct myself everytime I call him 'baby', and so far have just managed to bite my tongue just before I say 'I Love You'. Because I do. I love him so much it makes me want to cry when he walks away, going home, knowing that I'm not getting a goodbye kiss.

Antoehr thing that has made it worse is that yesterday I handed in my notice at work. You see there's two problems with that. 1) I'm never going to see him again after four weeks. I can't cope without speaking to him in a day, let alone not seeing him. 2) I don't actually have another job to go into. I have four weeks and counting in which to find another job.......oooops. The really sad thing is that I'm ten times more bothered about never seeing him again as to the fact I've got no job and no money.

It must seem really pathetic to anyone who reads this, as deep down I probably know myself it is, but he IS my whole world. He's all I want, and all I need. He's the only person i know who can me laughin minutes after I'm so annoyed with them I'll happily punch them. I'll forgive him for whatever he does, and do whatever I can to make him forgive me when i do things wrong.

So all in all I've concludded that if I could turn back time to monday, I would. And I wouldn't finsih it, and I wouldn't hand my notice in. I've just blabbed on about how much I need him inmy life, and now he's not I'm scared that I'm just not going to cope........