Right, I'm not happy. There, I've admitted it. I think this whole rejection thing is just the straw that broke the camel's back. I'll start right back at the beginning, because I feel like I need to get a lot of things off my chest.....

Right suppose things started to go wrong just before christmas two years ago. It was three days before my eighteenth birthday, and my dad sat us all down and told us he has cancer. In just one sentence it felt as if my whole world had collapsed, because as soon as someone mentions the word cancer, you automatically think of death. You just can't help it. This isn't meant to happen to you is it? It's meant to happen to other people. Anyway, the hospital said they caught it early. There was no need to worry, he had a good prognosis and hopefully it'll have gone into remission by the following September. See, nothing to worry about?

Well, it's not the May AFTER the fateful September, and my dad is still getting made radioactive as humanly possible, and he found another lump in his arm. Now please, someone please tell me that there's nothing to worry about.

The thing about my family is that we don't talk. We didn't even know that there was anythign wrong with my dad before he got his diagnosis, and then BANG, he's got cancer. So to be honest, I spend more time than not worrying about the fact that anything could be happening and we wouldn't know until it was too late. Morbid I know, but can't help it.

I don't get on all that well with my family either, and if I could I'd spend all of my time away from home, which just makes me feel worse. Surely I should be at home supporting them all instead of running away and avoiding them all? Does that make me a bad daughter? A selfish sister? Answers on a postcard please.

Next, my borter isn't well. He got diagnosed with a kidney disease about two years ago, and has to go for regular check ups at the hospital. All was going well until Friday, when he went back, and they found increased levels of protein in his blood. This is a bad sign. Increased levels of protein are an indication that the kidneys are failing. If the kidneys fail he'll dialysis, and then a transplant. They're not saying that right now his kidneys are failing, but it doesn't look good. Add this to my dad, and my famil life is very stressful!!

Don't worry, I've not finished yet. August last year, one week before I flew out to Africa for a month to do some charity work, my grandad died. This left my nana on her own. Ever since my nana, my only living grandparent, has been in and out of hospital like a yo yo. This has made my mum almost crack under the pressure, and ultimately made her relationship with my dad disappear. Every morning I wake up to find my dad has slept on the sofa. He's not slpet in his bed for months and months and months. They're not together because they love each other. They're together because they can't afford to be apart. How fucking awful is that?

Right there's loads more that I could moan on about, but sure you lot are bored of listening, and my fingers hurt from typing!

Anyway, I'm getting more and more resentful, and angry, and short-tempered, the more shit that is thrown my way. Why is life so fucking unfair? And to top everything off, the man that I am so so so in love with doesn't want me anymore. He's wants someone else. And that hurts like fuck. Why does he want her not me? What can she give him that I can't? Is she prettier? Funnier? Sexier? Rejection at a time like this is bound to fuck anyone off, surely? Call me selfish, but I can't be near him when he's not mine. So i'm leaving work completely. I'm going to work my notice as holidays and lieu days. And he can have whoever he wants now,becasue not only does he deserve to, and have the right to, but because if I don't know,then it can't tear me apart.