Right, everyone I'm holding my hands up, I've officially lost the plot now.
I'm not for one minute blaming this on everything that has happened over the past few weeks, but I do believe this has topped me over the edge.

I just keep crying randomly, I just have to be sat there, and I can help but feel sad. But what exactly am I feeling sad about? Is it about him not wanting me anymore? Is it about him wanting her? Is it about me doubting myself? Is it about my dad? Is it about the fact I really don't know if he's getting any better? Is it about my mum, about the fact she is actualy cracking up? Is it about my brother, who seems to get bad news after bad news? I have no idea guys, I can't pinpoint what I'm sad about, I can just say I'm sad.

This week has been a bad week, starting with me having a blazing row with 'her' infront of everyone at work. She called me a slag and accussed me of spreading rumours about her and him. I have never said anything to anyone about them, have just merely told her what everyone else has been sayin about them. Like I said earlier I do, or did, actually like her. And in a weird way I was still trying to protect him. I don't know why, but I was. People were talking about them, and the last thing I wanted was them, or rather him, getting caught out. Anyway, all the managers got dragged into it, and I was made to look like a gossiping trouble maker. Anyway, the day after I was speaking to him about swapping my day off. To cut a long story I wanted to swap my day off so I could a) go to the doctors and b) not be at home the day my dad went back in hospital. FAir? I thought so.

Anyway, in no uncertain terms he basically told me to fuck off, and he knew why I didn't want to be at home, but didn't care. He was using the fact that I didn't want to be at home, and was using it against me. He told me that what was going on in my home life wasn't his business anymore, and he didn't want to listen to my shit anymore. At this point I was crying, begging to swap my days off, but he just told me to stop the crying act, and he doesn't care, and I had to leave my shit at home and not bring it to work. Think that hurt more than anything hes ever said. More than when he said if I thought even if he did split up with his missues, he wouldn't want me anyway. And that point I just thought, "becky, you don't need this shit." So I handed my notice in there and then to the Assistant Manager, and walked out. And didn't turn up for work the day after.

I got a phone call that evening, asking mainly why wasn't I in work, then was told I had to go into work for a meeting with the manager. I promptly said "No". Only to be met with the response "well we're coming to your house then". Bearing in mind my mum and dad didnt knwo I'd handed my notice in, this was a bad idea, so in to work I went.

And what happened in work? I lost it. I completely lost it. Couldn't stop crying long enough to tell her what was wrong. My manager told me I had to go and see a counsellor. That's without even seeing the cuts all over my arms. Maybe she's right. I do need to see someone. So I'm currently having some time off ffrom work, trying to sort my head out, but I think it's going to take more than time off to fix whatever is broken with me.......